Being single and adhering to God’s will | From the other side of marriage

I read an article this morning – and it inspired the following post.

So, being single at 28 doesn’t mean I’m desperate, but it does mean that I’m choosing to sacrifice my desires for God’s desires and plan.

TODAYSCHRISTIANWOMAN.COM

I’m Not Desperate, Just Single.
Please stop stigmatizing my singleness

 

. . .

First off, let me say – I LOVE this article. It touched my heart and gave me renewed sense of purpose.

Second, I will tell you that I live on the other side of this discussion – not just because I am in my thirties, but also because I am single, having married and divorced in my twenties.

For years . . . absolutely years, I heard “Just give yourself some time. You’ll decide to move on at some point and meet someone new.”

Well, I tried that. Before I re-dedicated my heart and life to God, I tried NOT being married and having the full-on relationship. I went from one-night stands to serious committed relationships to casual dating and “hooking-up”.

And I have to point out right here that I had a pretty impressive track record for a girl who was told over and over and over in high school that she would never be attractive to men unless she dropped about 50 pounds. Amazingly enough, I did lose about 30 pounds after my divorce. And then I got involved in a relationship that lasted over two years – and when that one ended, I was actually heavier than I was in high school. So I spent my wild years in relationships with men (not all handsome, but not all dogs either) who found my plus-size figure attractive enough. . . No, I’m not condoning my behavior – I’m just pointing out that size doesn’t make as much a difference as everyone would like to think.

OK.

After I decided my crazy, mixed-up, messed-up ways were not the best way to go about things, I decided I needed to get married again.

Clearly, since I reside once again in the world of the single life, that was a mistake.

I did not wait for God’s leading.

I did look for signs from God, but I was seeing them in the wrong places and still going about things all the wrong way. So it’s really no wonder that things ended . . . badly.

And once again, I heard the well-wishers who proclaimed that all I needed was to give my heart time to heal.

 

But here’s the thing (and it’s really the most important thing) . . .

It’s not about what I want.

GOD knows – so much better than I ever could – what is the right way for me, what is the right thing for me.

If I had listened to God . . . if I had waited for God . . . my life would be very different right now.

I might be married . . . I might not . . . But my life would definitely be very different.

THIS TIME, I am determined to wait for God’s plan. I am determined to wait for God’s will! And if that means I spend my life without a husband, then THAT is what I am going to do!

It doesn’t matter that my entire family looks at me like I’m damaged goods.

It doesn’t matter (though it really does hurt) that the families in our home-school organization look at me like I’m being rebellious and strong-willed. I know why I’m doing this and IT. IS. WORTH. IT!

So, from the other side of marriage, I have to agree with Rachel on this aspect, at least – it is more important that we do what WE KNOW GOD wants from us and WE have to make the choice to FOLLOW HIS leading!

 

IN GOD I TRUST!

Pretty Signature RLM

Let’s Get Real – Grateful!

Today is my birthday… and I am ever so much more grateful today than I was yesterday…

Yesterday I was feeling a bit melancholy. I tend to be introspective this time of year and the devil takes advantage of that to hit me hard with some things that I normally don’t even think about.

He loves to drag me down and he loves to lie to me and tell me… probably the same things he tells a lot of people… I’m not special. I’m not loved. I’m not worth anything. I’m not truly saved… the list goes on and on but you get the idea.

Thankfully, I was reminded this morning – by a friend’s recent blog post – that I have SOOOOOOOOOOO many things to be thankful for!

I have an amazing family who loves me, puts up with me, takes care of me, and tells me regularly… that they cannot live without me!

I have wonderful friends, both online and in real life, who tell me how talented and brilliant I am and how they cannot wait to see what God has in store for my gifts!

I have unbelievable talent that God has blessed me with – me… the girl who’s not special. Well, I’m not – but God obviously has some special plans for me!

I have the best, sweetest, most precious blessings of children – who love me despite my faults and shortcomings, who tell me they like me fat, like me even when I get fussy, hug me even when I lose my temper or patience, and cannot stand to be away from me even for the short time it takes to go pick up dinner and bring home.

I have had thirty-six years of blessing and love and patience from my heavenly father; who stood by me even when I turned my back on him, lifted me up even when I chose to lay in the ditch, and carried me through the storms I stumbled my own way into!

I am so very amazingly, unbelievably, incredibly, spectacularly BLESSED!

 

I am Grateful and I am Thankful and I am in AWE! And I hope you’ll join me!

 

GOD BLESS YOU!

~ Rachel

♬ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! ♬

 

© Rachel L Miller 2015

Waiting for God to send my Prince Charming…

image

All my life I have been laughed at and berated for being a “hopeless romantic” and I am so thrilled to find out, all these years later, that THEY were wrong, not me!

I have been extolling the virtues of courtship these many weeks and I thought I should give you a bit of an idea why I care so much for it…

From the crib we are taught conflicting “truths” about love, romance and marriage. And I, for one, am sick of it. I am positively thrilled to have discovered the actual truth! And I am so glad I can now pass on that truth to my sweet little Princess.

Little girls grow up watching Disney movies, television shows and “chick flicks” that are all about romance and happy endings. Then, when it comes time for us to consider dating or marriage, we’re told that the movies and shows we grew up loving are just fairy tales. Life and love don’t really work that way…

image

Happily ever after is not a Fairytale – it is a choice.Tweet this!
 

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” Ephesians 5:25

That one verse says it all, ladies. A husband is supposed to love his wife in the same way Christ loved AND loves the church! HE [Christ] loved the church [us] so much that he died for us.

Not in the “I’m jumping in front of the bullet” or “I’m pushing you out of the way of the speeding car” way but in a planned, pre-ordained, destined way that HE knew from before the beginning of time HE was going to do.

Now that is love.

image

In fact, it is a love that we, as mere mortals, cannot possibly understand. And this is most likely the reason we misuse, abuse and misinterpret love so often. We don’t understand what it means to love someone that much. How could we really?

We think in terms of years or maybe even decades. We could not possibly look at time the same way God does. Otherwise the concept of eternity would not be the puzzle it is for so many of us.

So how did I come to this truth so suddenly? I mean, I must have heard that verse read at least a dozen times through the years. I’ve read the verse myself multiple times. So why didn’t I get it?

I blame conditioning.

image

We are conditioned by society to believe that the relationships we want deep in our hearts and souls are no more than fairy tales. Our friends, family, teachers in school, ministers at church, doctors, counselors (the list goes on and on) tell us not to expect this sort of love from a relationship in reality.

Do yourself a favor. Don’t listen to any more “helpful” advice.

Read your bible and pray. Ask your parents to pray. Ask your friends to pray. Pray for yourself and for your future spouse.

Don’t date. Give courting a try.

Think it sounds old-fashioned or crazy? Ask yourself what the most popular form of “dating” is today? Group dating is the “new” way to date! It’s safer. It’s more fun. It’s the easiest way to get your friends to approve of a guy or girl you think you are interested in. This is a form of courting.

Courthsip IS the answer - post header JPG
 

Courting really is the most intelligent dating form. You have a chance to get to know a person and you have people backing you up, opinion-wise BEFORE you get your emotions and hormones involved.
 

Sick of dating? Give courtship a try.Tweet this!
 

Broken hearts are not fun… not for anyone. And courtship is the best way to avoid a broken heart, shattered dreams and divorce.

God did not design us to fall in and out of love over and over again. He did not design us to be abused or taken advantage of. Our hearts are the most vulnerable to deception. That is why we must guard them so fiercely. Our emotions and hormones are willing accomplices in that deception. This is why it is so important to make relationship decisions with prayer and council first.

Young women: God wants you to be with a man who will love you – as he loves you, a man who will care for you and show you just how special you are to him, and a man who will cherish you – because you are precious and rare.

image

Don’t rush Love – wait on God’s timing.Tweet this!
 

Don’t settle for any less than what you deserve! Hold out for that white knight! You’ll be glad you did!

God Bless You!

© Rachel L. Miller 2015

You never know how much you love it… til it’s gone.

You know that expression – you don’t truly appreciate something until it’s gone…

Well, a dear friend lent me her old violin a couple of years ago because – I’ve always wanted to learn but we never could afford the lessons or the instrument.

DSCF1292

My children are learning to play and they are so amazingly talented, it brings tears to my eyes as I listen…

I don’t for one moment believe I am anywhere near their level of talent but it was really fun to learn – especially since I’ve always wanted to!

It was never a chore for me to practice. Sore fingers… I don’t care. Aching muscles… all worth it!

Well… you know what they say – all good things must come to an end.

Just over a week ago, our dear friend called – she needed her violin back.

DSCF1295

😦

 

We had to buy instruments for the kiddos so we still have theirs. In fact, we were exceptionally blessed to find one at a pawn shop for a very reasonable price. The other, we bought used from a shop in Oak Ridge and even though it was a bit pricey, it’s been a good investment.

DSCF1293

But now we have to figure out if

A- we can afford a violin for me and

41I+GTcSx9L
Yes… this is the one I want – it’s in our Amazon wishlist and I’m really hoping… praying… wishing!

 

B- if we can afford a good enough one to make the purchase worthwhile.

51d2gGr0GmL

I hope both answers end up a yes because I really really really miss my violin!

51vwb-5X8bL

And I had no idea just how much I would miss it until it was gone…

 

© Rachel L. Miller 2015

Yes… and No.

This post is in response to an article that you can find HERE.

excerpt:

Especially in Silicon Valley, there is actually a trend of tech execs and engineers who shield their kids from technology. They even send their kids to non-tech schools like the Waldorf School in Los Altos, where computers aren’t found anywhere because they only focus on hands-on learning. – See more at: LINK

 

My response:

Yes… and No.

This is very much the same argument we see with everything in this world. I agree wholeheartedly that children need the opportunity to learn in a hands-on way and they need to know how to communicate with a human being before they learn to communicate with a machine.

But…

They also need to learn how to utilize technology without becoming addicted. If we completely shield them from it until they’re 18, they’re not going to know how to deal with the draw of it.

If we teach them early on how to find a balance (especially in the case of a child who has a natural affinity with technology) between tech-time and human-time, they are much more likely to carry that on into their twenties and beyond.

This is another classic example of “throw them in the deep end, they’ll learn”

I don’t want my kids to learn that way.

I was fortunate growing up. My mother was well-versed in computer language and programming before there was a computer in every home so she introduced us to technology at an early age. But she also taught us that a computer is a tool – not a toy. It can be useful but it should never take over your life!

That is the same outlook I am trying to imbue in my own children. They both own tablets and iPods but they read REAL books and play with REAL toys and stuffed animals. The tablets are useful for long car trips and rainy days… or those times when my writing is going very well and they’re tired of “finding things to do” LOL

They ride scooters nearly every day and we play board games and card games as a family often.

It also helps that I home-school. And no, they do not do their schooling on a computer. We did try but my son (the tech-savvy one) likes books better for learning!

© Rachel L. Miller 2014