Being single and adhering to God’s will | From the other side of marriage

I read an article this morning – and it inspired the following post.

So, being single at 28 doesn’t mean I’m desperate, but it does mean that I’m choosing to sacrifice my desires for God’s desires and plan.

TODAYSCHRISTIANWOMAN.COM

I’m Not Desperate, Just Single.
Please stop stigmatizing my singleness

 

. . .

First off, let me say – I LOVE this article. It touched my heart and gave me renewed sense of purpose.

Second, I will tell you that I live on the other side of this discussion – not just because I am in my thirties, but also because I am single, having married and divorced in my twenties.

For years . . . absolutely years, I heard “Just give yourself some time. You’ll decide to move on at some point and meet someone new.”

Well, I tried that. Before I re-dedicated my heart and life to God, I tried NOT being married and having the full-on relationship. I went from one-night stands to serious committed relationships to casual dating and “hooking-up”.

And I have to point out right here that I had a pretty impressive track record for a girl who was told over and over and over in high school that she would never be attractive to men unless she dropped about 50 pounds. Amazingly enough, I did lose about 30 pounds after my divorce. And then I got involved in a relationship that lasted over two years – and when that one ended, I was actually heavier than I was in high school. So I spent my wild years in relationships with men (not all handsome, but not all dogs either) who found my plus-size figure attractive enough. . . No, I’m not condoning my behavior – I’m just pointing out that size doesn’t make as much a difference as everyone would like to think.

OK.

After I decided my crazy, mixed-up, messed-up ways were not the best way to go about things, I decided I needed to get married again.

Clearly, since I reside once again in the world of the single life, that was a mistake.

I did not wait for God’s leading.

I did look for signs from God, but I was seeing them in the wrong places and still going about things all the wrong way. So it’s really no wonder that things ended . . . badly.

And once again, I heard the well-wishers who proclaimed that all I needed was to give my heart time to heal.

 

But here’s the thing (and it’s really the most important thing) . . .

It’s not about what I want.

GOD knows – so much better than I ever could – what is the right way for me, what is the right thing for me.

If I had listened to God . . . if I had waited for God . . . my life would be very different right now.

I might be married . . . I might not . . . But my life would definitely be very different.

THIS TIME, I am determined to wait for God’s plan. I am determined to wait for God’s will! And if that means I spend my life without a husband, then THAT is what I am going to do!

It doesn’t matter that my entire family looks at me like I’m damaged goods.

It doesn’t matter (though it really does hurt) that the families in our home-school organization look at me like I’m being rebellious and strong-willed. I know why I’m doing this and IT. IS. WORTH. IT!

So, from the other side of marriage, I have to agree with Rachel on this aspect, at least – it is more important that we do what WE KNOW GOD wants from us and WE have to make the choice to FOLLOW HIS leading!

 

IN GOD I TRUST!

Pretty Signature RLM

Waiting for God to send my Prince Charming…

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All my life I have been laughed at and berated for being a “hopeless romantic” and I am so thrilled to find out, all these years later, that THEY were wrong, not me!

I have been extolling the virtues of courtship these many weeks and I thought I should give you a bit of an idea why I care so much for it…

From the crib we are taught conflicting “truths” about love, romance and marriage. And I, for one, am sick of it. I am positively thrilled to have discovered the actual truth! And I am so glad I can now pass on that truth to my sweet little Princess.

Little girls grow up watching Disney movies, television shows and “chick flicks” that are all about romance and happy endings. Then, when it comes time for us to consider dating or marriage, we’re told that the movies and shows we grew up loving are just fairy tales. Life and love don’t really work that way…

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Happily ever after is not a Fairytale – it is a choice.Tweet this!
 

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” Ephesians 5:25

That one verse says it all, ladies. A husband is supposed to love his wife in the same way Christ loved AND loves the church! HE [Christ] loved the church [us] so much that he died for us.

Not in the “I’m jumping in front of the bullet” or “I’m pushing you out of the way of the speeding car” way but in a planned, pre-ordained, destined way that HE knew from before the beginning of time HE was going to do.

Now that is love.

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In fact, it is a love that we, as mere mortals, cannot possibly understand. And this is most likely the reason we misuse, abuse and misinterpret love so often. We don’t understand what it means to love someone that much. How could we really?

We think in terms of years or maybe even decades. We could not possibly look at time the same way God does. Otherwise the concept of eternity would not be the puzzle it is for so many of us.

So how did I come to this truth so suddenly? I mean, I must have heard that verse read at least a dozen times through the years. I’ve read the verse myself multiple times. So why didn’t I get it?

I blame conditioning.

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We are conditioned by society to believe that the relationships we want deep in our hearts and souls are no more than fairy tales. Our friends, family, teachers in school, ministers at church, doctors, counselors (the list goes on and on) tell us not to expect this sort of love from a relationship in reality.

Do yourself a favor. Don’t listen to any more “helpful” advice.

Read your bible and pray. Ask your parents to pray. Ask your friends to pray. Pray for yourself and for your future spouse.

Don’t date. Give courting a try.

Think it sounds old-fashioned or crazy? Ask yourself what the most popular form of “dating” is today? Group dating is the “new” way to date! It’s safer. It’s more fun. It’s the easiest way to get your friends to approve of a guy or girl you think you are interested in. This is a form of courting.

Courthsip IS the answer - post header JPG
 

Courting really is the most intelligent dating form. You have a chance to get to know a person and you have people backing you up, opinion-wise BEFORE you get your emotions and hormones involved.
 

Sick of dating? Give courtship a try.Tweet this!
 

Broken hearts are not fun… not for anyone. And courtship is the best way to avoid a broken heart, shattered dreams and divorce.

God did not design us to fall in and out of love over and over again. He did not design us to be abused or taken advantage of. Our hearts are the most vulnerable to deception. That is why we must guard them so fiercely. Our emotions and hormones are willing accomplices in that deception. This is why it is so important to make relationship decisions with prayer and council first.

Young women: God wants you to be with a man who will love you – as he loves you, a man who will care for you and show you just how special you are to him, and a man who will cherish you – because you are precious and rare.

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Don’t rush Love – wait on God’s timing.Tweet this!
 

Don’t settle for any less than what you deserve! Hold out for that white knight! You’ll be glad you did!

God Bless You!

© Rachel L. Miller 2015